Good-bye Ironing Board

By Dorothy Denne

I’ve put my ironing board away. Well, not completely away, just way, way, away. I stuck it all the way to the back of my pantry. I hope never to use it again. I didn’t throw it away in case I have to go to a wedding or some other really, really fancy event. Otherwise I’m not ironing any more.

Occasionally I will happen to buy an item of clothing when I don’t have my glasses on. Then I get home ready to cut the tag off and discover that it says “cool iron when needed”. Huh-uh, cool iron is not needed. I’ll just wear it wrinkled. I’m wrinkled too. So what. From now on I’ll hang out either with others who are also wrinkled, those who don’t see the wrinkles or those who don’t care about the wrinkles. Most of the people I encounter fit into one or all of those categories.
Speaking of giving things up or putting things away, I have been writing this column in an old Gregg Shorthand steno notebook. Does anyone else use them any more? In fact, does anyone even make them any more? How old do you have to be to remember Gregg Shorthand?

Anyway, when I wrote the last word of the last paragraph, categories, I flipped the page. I had written on the next page some time before. It had a list of rules to remember in life. I’ll share a few:
1. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard’s name.
2. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.
4. Alcohol does not solve your problems, but then again, neither does milk.
5. Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, pee on it and walk away…!!
Yep, good-bye ironing board.

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